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‘Carlton’s heart is soft and rotten’: Listener John pens a loathing poem to Carlton

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Listener John has had enough of the Carlton Football club and has sent us this poem to vent his frustrations.

It’s not quite the ‘love letter to football’ we normally receive, but it’s too good not to share.

John, an Essendon supporter, emailed the poem into 3AW Breakfast, have read.

The Carlton Blues sit one from 10
They lost their game this week again
They got rid of Kennedy, Waite and Betts
The little goal sneak as good as it gets.

Weitering is Teetering, Cripps has the yips
Makes it easy to do my footy tips
A coach’s stature’s not important I thought
But Brendon Bolton sure comes up short.

SOS & SOS draw criticism 
Is selection based on nepotism 
They brought back legend Robert Walls
Even he can’t get them to jump to jump from the stalls.

Bought Micky Malthouse and Daisy Thomas
Neither ever showed any promise
Grab some wood, a knife start whittling soon
And carve yourself a wooden spoon.

Even Pres Logiudice
Has no spell to make them play
Every week they get a spanking
They are so bad they can’t be tanking.

You Hear us coming we’ll be here soon
Was written by a great buffoon
Curnow’s slow he has no pace
The whole blues team’s a huge disgrace.

Another year another failure
Their best crumbing forward sold to South Australia
Bring back Fev and Brett Ratten
Maybe they can make something happen.

Carlton’s heart is soft and rotten
That’s why they sit on the bottom
Their season’s filled with such drama
They should pick up some players from Jacana.

Change your name to aspirin, slow working dope
You have no future
You have no hope.


Click PLAY to hear Ross and John’s thoughts as they read it on air