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Ross and John listeners have written dozens of coronavirus limericks

We admit, we didn’t expect this would be so popular.

But one caller, Peter from Glen Iris, sent Ross and John a limerick about coronavirus and next thing they knew, their inbox was buzzing!

So here they are.  Dozens of coronavirus limericks.

Whatever keeps you oddballs entertained in isolation!

(PS: We love it).

Peter from Glen Iris (the original)

We’re sitting at home in Glen Iris

In the hope of avoiding the virus.

The one shaft of light

In this season of blight:

We’re retirees, so no-one can fire us.

Denis from Macleod 

I’m growing progressively fat,

In contact with nought but my cat.

If only that diner

In the back blocks of China

Ate chicken rather than bat.

Ken from Mt Martha

We’re living down here in Mount Martha

Not sure if we’re Martha or Arthur

So we walked on the beach

But we’re way out of reach

Just the two of us sharing the laughter!

Sandra from Brighton

Can you imagine at the end of Corona?

When we all emerge from our coma

Oh what a fright

When we all unite

And everyone’s hairy, fat and finally sober?

Sally from Apollo Bay

There once was a planet called Earth

That was always full of mirth

Then a nasty virus came

Will we ever be the same

Watch out in 9 months for all of the births!

Judith from Croydon

We are in the clasps of Corona,

And Scomo says if I’m 70 it’s over,

Well I’ve got news for you all, 

I’m not going to the wall,

I have no plans to be pushing up clover.

Ray from Richmond

An archaeologist from Glen Iris

Went to Cairo to study papyrus

He felt a bit crook

The doc took a look

And said “Mate, you’ve got Coronavirus”

 

A young footballer named McLean

Was super fit and very lean

He felt a bit crook

The doc took a look

And said “Mate, you’ve got COVID-19”

Marty from Laverton 

Now Willy he penned of Verona

And Leo brushed ladies named Mona

But nought can inspire us

Like the unity virus

The world all is one in Corona

From Matthew

Here am I sitting at home. 

All contact limited to phone. 

Not missing the Stations. 

Or meeting rotations. 

I’ve really got no reason to moan?

Jean from Bullen 

Location location location

3 land rats went into isolation

1 got quashed

The other got sloshed 

The third cried over house depreciation 

Andy from Aspendale 

We once had steak six days a week

Then the virus of which we won’t speak

Made an appearance

Now through sheer perseverance

Were surviving on bubble and squeak

From Michael

My licorice intake has ceased

The lack of crap paper not least

Thanks to the hoarders

You filthy marauders

The after effects are a beast

From Phil 

Now our man Dan we say cheers

As he tells of Corona and fears

Stay at home is the rule

And don’t be a fool

Make sure you stay off the beers!

From Phil

So ScoMo we do say thanks,

For putting some pressure on the banks.

And Implementing social distance

Giving  small business assistance

So they don’t have to walk the planks.

Steve from Bacchus Marsh 

Out west in country Bacchus Marsh

Where there’s trees, birds and green grass

So pretty and green

Except COVID-19

Now everyone’s wearing a mask

From Michael of Reservoir

The doc said to the Ruck from the Blues,

Your foot bone has broke, it’s bad news,

Play you will not, 

Your season is shot,

But now he’ll be right for round two.

Paul in Narre Warren

Staying at home in Prahran

Our food was delivered in a van

Expanding our bellies

While watching the telly

With Foxtel, Netflix and Stan

Pett from Doncaster

Along came COVID-19,

And made us exceedingly clean,

Hunting toilet roll,

Became our main goal,

And not blocking the bloody latrine!

Tony from Vermont

To the health workers with energy tireless

Your efforts continue to inspire us

Thanks to people like you

We’ll get out of this poo

And say goodbye to this bloody virus 

From Mark 

There was a young man from Altona

Who thought that he had the Corona

He had his wife tested

She was totally infested

She left him so now he’s a loner

From Burnso

I’m at home here wearing a mask,

I don’t think it’s too much of a task.

Although I’m locked down,

I’m not wearing a frown –  

I’m drinking my Debortoli from a cask 

Judith 

There was a young man from Verona,

who sadly contracted Corona.

His cough was contagious,

His fever outrageous.

All of his friends were ‘agona’

From Paul

COVID-19 is here,

It’ll be gone by the end of the year,

The year will be rough,

But we’ll show it we’re tough,

As we beat it without any fear.

Johanna  

I’m living here in Boronia

Getting progressively lonelier and lonelier,

There’s not even a mouse

With me in the house

Oh Lord, don’t give me coronia!

From Ian

I’ve always been a bit of a loner

So the social distancing needs of corona

For me is no ask

a  P one five ess easy task

it took 70 years to perfect this persona

Peter from Thomastown

I once dreamed to be a homeowner

Then along came this deadly corona

Now I’ve lost my good job

I’m just left with two Bob

and Sco Mo has made me a moaner.

Kiara from Pascovale

My Mum says I can’t go to school

Now I’ll have to follow her rules

To study a lot

So my brain doesn’t rot

And I become one giant fool

From Michele

While all around me is shuttin’

Have you seen him?  He’s all lamb, no mutton

Prematurely grey locks

He’s a real silver fox

I speak of Professor Brett Sutton

Tony from Rowville 

A working girl known as Ramona

Encountered the virus Corona

So sadly there could be

No more Hochmagandy

But for 5 bucks per minute you can phone her

Phil from Chelsea 

This virus whose name is Corona,

Could never be known as a loner,

It’s desperate to share, as it flies through the air,

With Its super contagious persona.

Dave from Patterson Lakes 

A limerick to read on the wireless

Shops are shutting down due to a virus

If the hairdressers shut

We’ll be all in a rut

Looking like Billy Ray Cyrus!

Helen from Maribyrnong 

There was this thing called ‘The Virus’

It was trying very hard to divide us

United we stand with Loo Paper, Sanitizer and Booze in Hand

Nick of Corona – You’re not welcome in our Great Southern Land

Michele 

While all around me is shuttin’

Have you seen him?  He’s all lamb, no mutton

Prematurely grey locks

He’s a real silver fox

I speak of Professor Brett Sutton

Alan from Essendon 

There once was a bat in China

He got served up in a diner

If only he flew away

Life would be normal today

and any flu would just be minor

Annie from Patterson Lakes

We stay indoors by day & night

Barely go outside to catch the light

This virus thing has given me the shakes

Working from home at Patterson Lakes

Libby from Irymple 

We’re all running scared of the ‘rona’

It’s lucky we’ve all got a phona

We can google and tweet

While we put up our feet

And make the most of this time at homa!

From Mark

There was a young man from Altona

Who thought that he had the Corona

He had his wife tested

She was totally infested

She left him so now he’s a loner

From Peter

The office is closed my car is parked

Bum on the couch, my cards are marked 

Self-iso-lation

With Netflix salvation

Only one problem I’m totally Ozarked

Simon from Mt Beauty 

This deadly new Corona virus,

Who’s spread is becoming quite tireless,

By isolating for weeks,

And not kissing cheeks,

Will stop it being like Miley Cyrus. (Wrecking ball)

 

The deadly new virus corona,

Needs you to stay a loner,

Stop kissing cheeks

And isolate for weeks

So it doesn’t spread like cars at Daytona.

Kaz from Pentland Hills 

Sitting on the deck in Pentland Hills

In a world with a virus without any pill

Sipping fine wine

While the weather is fine

We thank the government for paying our bills

Andy from Moorabbin

I’m sending this limerick to you

Because there’s some kind of flu

It starts with a cough

That finishes you off

I hope it doesn’t happen to you

From Bill

There once was a man from Wuhan 

Who fried up a bat in a pan

He said I’m sorry for the trouble

You all now live in a bubble

cause that wasn’t part of my plan

From Michael

My mum and dad are in their eighties

The old man was after some meat and taties

Being cooped had made the octogenarian frisky

But Mum said “no way it’s too fricken risky”

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